More absurd rambings from the archives

JUNE 2005
The seam that ran across my hairline opened the other night. It was the funniest thing. I was just sitting there, watching a show on the things most likely to kill you weighing under 1 l lb and it started. First it felt like a something tickle right where the hair started at the very back of my neck. About the part where they started talking about those deadly sea snails that live in Australia, you know those things are amazing, they're so small! Some less than an inch, they're equipped with this harpoon-type tooth that feels like a prick until the venom rushes into your bloodstream and paralyzes you, well anyway it started at the back of my neck. Soon the itch turned into a flap. An actual flap! I could feel the opening but I didn't pay much attention to it, I mean I didn't think it was skin. There was no blood, not sticky at all just a flap. Besides, they started talking about Australian box jellyfish--those things are crazy! You know jellyfish don't even have brains? or real organs to speak of? Well right I had this flap of skin, and before I knew it I started hearing this noise like the sound a seam ripper makes if you were to work meticulously. I looked around but couldn't figure out where it was coming from, but I didn't get up because I wanted to wait for commercials. It was around the black widow segment where the sound started to get louder and the tickle turned to an itch. I would have gone to the mirror then but this infomercial came on about one of those pots especially for making pasta so that you don't have to strain it. Pure genius. Fitzi jumped on the bed and knocked the remote control over and set it to mute. So I bent down to get it and the top part of my head fell off. Not the skull or brain or anything, just the fleshy part. I thought I should probably get a hat or something so I went on the Internet to order one online. I opened my browser and came to the msn home page. It had this really interesting blip about Paris Hilton, she always wears the most scandalous clothing. So I clicked on it to see what crazy thing she was doing now and I got a whole page about celebrity gossip. Just then I heard a soft tapping noise, I looked around but then remembered that sometimes my Elvis clock ticks really loud. That whole retro thing got really trendy so I thought an Elvis clock would be a nice touch. Then I found a fascinating page that said that nick and Jessica were on the rocks, honestly I don't know how he deals with her, I don’t care how cute she is. The ticks kept on going while I listened to MTV internet radio. Britney came on. You know she’s my favorite so I had to dance. I stood up and did my best to recreate the moves I saw in that video when it came clean off. The top part of my skull flew across the room making a dull thud against the wall. I went over to pick it up but my brain flopped out on the floor onto this part of the carpet where Fitzi had made a mess earlier so I didn't bother picking it up. It was gross and squishy anyway. So I picked up my skull and super-glued it back on. It comes off every now and then but I always keep a tube of glue handy. I bought a wig the other day. It's really cute. Plus, now it’s easier to style because I can see the back of my head and I think I kind of look like Britney in it. Lots of people have told me that the new wig looks really good so I’m thinking I’ll buy another one in red, just in case I’m in a Lindsey Lohan kinda mood. When I think about it, that whole thing did a lot for my look, and my social life too. I’m so much hotter than I used to be, and I’m even going out Saturday. I drool occasionally but that's okay, the hair is totally worth it.